A big life change has occurred in my life and in today’s post, I’m sharing with you what that is. I know the posts haven’t been as consistent, but maybe after reading this, it will explain why.
Every start of the new semester, I get excited! Excited about the new professors, syllabuses, books and assignments that would challenge me and excited about the course I’d be learning. It sounds funny but I just felt extra smart being in school. At the same time, I was proud of myself in that I was going to school, working full time and being a full time parent.
I mean don’t get me wrong, I loathed having all of the extra work to do and sacrificing my time with my family, not to mention my sleep. In fact last semester, I’d swore off school on the weekends, keeping my promise to myself declaring that there would be no schoolwork on the weekends because this was precious time for me to regroup and catch my bearings. But knowing all of this, I knew that the end result would be that bachelor’s degree.
But something was different about this time around. That excitement that I felt, began to dissipate and I…just…wasn’t feeling it. I felt overwhelmed and my mind could not function. I literally shut down and it affected my work, home life and most of all, my mind. These feelings and emotions, seem to take over my life for a hot second. It mentally immobilized me and this is when I realized that something had to change.
I was inundated with work and having to perform. Creative blocks began to form in my writing and YouTube channels. My workouts became intermittent and I kept second guessing myself on every level. On top of all of this, I’d started a new business that had been on and off for the last few weeks. Let me tell you, doubt and fear will eat you alive if you let it.
With everything going on, I’d decided that something had to go. I made a list, a sort of pros and cons, of everything that I was trying to accomplish. When I got to school, the cons i.e. student loans, and a major that I was no longer interested in pursuing, outweighed the pros. Would I be happy to have my bachelor’s–hell yeah. It has been a lifelong goal of mine to attain one, it’s how I’m built. But was it worth for me to continue on in a major that truly wouldn’t serve me in the new career path that I’d chosen for myself? No. I’d come to the decision that school would have to go and I did not make this decision lightly.
I have always believed that one should never stop learning and trying to gain knowledge and experience in what it is that they want to do. And I will continue to do just that, except that it won’t be through school. Each of us has to do what is best and for me that is making room and time for the things that I want right now.
This is not to say, that I will never return to school and finish one day. Who knows, I just might. For now, I’m good.0